I know that many people are anti-birth-plan because you “cannot plan birth”, so I’ll just repeat it here: you are not planning the birth. You are communicating (a good thing!) to staff about what kind of birthing mother you are and what you value at your birth, and if things change, then we agree beforehand that it’s is okay! Motherhood, like birth, is full of surprises and changes that are unexpected. But it can be beautiful and oh so rewarding – just like birth.
Importantly, a birth plan doesn’t have to be a very long document, full of polite paragraphs. You can be respectful and gentle when discussing the plan with your OB before the birth, but the document that staff will glance over at your birth can be short and bullet pointed, with just the 5 most important things that you hope for at this birth.
How do you decide what those 5 things are? Write a list of everything you want (using one of those comprehensive pre-formatted examples found online) and then prioritize them numerically. Read over the entire list with your birth partner, so they are aware of all your hopes and can remember to respect the wishes such as dimming the lights and massaging your back, for you. The top 5 make it onto your list. If fear of an episiotomy will make you tense up and close your legs to giving birth, then that fear will HINDER the birthing progress and your tense muscles will make you ripe for a need to cut. If you have that fear, then the sentence “Please do not perform an episiotomy; I would rather tear than be cut” should be on your birth plan. If you do not want to be offered pain relief, then state, “Please do not offer me an epidural; if I need one, I will ask.” If you have a fear of blood, then requesting that the baby be rubbed clean and wrapped up before being given to you may be the thing you decide to prioritize.
Then, draw a line, and under those 5 things you wish for your birth, write in detail EVERY SINGLE thing that you want done (or not done) with your baby. Leave nothing out, from skin-on-skin to letting the cord pulsate to bathing and pacifiers and immunizations – everything you want them to know is on the second half of the page! Leave nothing to chance. This is your baby, and no one else’s!
Make two copies of your birth plan. One should be on the top of any paperwork you bring with you to the birth, and the second should be taped next to the computer keyboard in the birthing room. Believe me, any medical staff who walk into that room WILL look at that keyboard, sometimes even before having a good look at the mother.
Now you have done your best to communicate, and can put your focus on letting go, and embrace birth!